Kyle Bump
"Kyle's gay." '-Adam Cable '(last words before spontaneously combusting) "He rubs me the wrong way....Not in a gay way, it's just he's always yanking my dick...Okay I didn't mean it like that. He's so just filled to the brim with arrogance cream and he's always getting it all over my face... Wow, this isn't coming out right." -Allan on Kyle (Not in that way...) Kyle Bump is a radical hippie who's mystical journey through time and space led him to be the GOD EMPEROR of LOONS, residing over the K-BUMP KLAN. Join K-BUMP KLAN now or suffer the blight of a thousand genital warts. Life Story Human Form Little is known about this mysterious man-deity hyrbid. First known sightings occured in the year 435 QD in a Tennessee Dairy Queen. His human form was seen walking up to the counter and talking to the casheer. Accounts vary greatly, but the general consensus is that his words were, "Round round gettaround, I gettaround!" The GOD EMPEROR (Kyle Bump) then ran out of the building after stealing a nametag. This sighting marks the start of the GOD EMPEROR's first of three metamorphic forms. Though descriptions, anecdotes, and dialogue varies from sighting to sighting, the human form was confirmed to be the Kyle Bump (a local liberal nut who was well known for forcing himself on random women while making donkey noises). Donkey Form After disappearing in the year 500 QD, the GOD EMPEROR wasn't sighted again until the year 600 QD, when an inbred beastiophile was attacked by a donkey that turned out to be the GOD EMPEROR. Cities across the globe reported sightings of the Donkey GOD EMPEROR as he traveled the world, spreading liberal propaganda and ranting for "jus frends blowsjubs". GOD EMPEROR Form The Donkey GOD EMPEROR was assassinated by Addison Grimmopolis (a Tennessean homophobic fanatic well known for his "jus frends blowsjubs" and closet homosexuality) during one of his speaking tours. Then, out of thin air in a Ruby Tuesday's in the year 656 QD, a form miraculously appeared in a massive explosion that killed two circus midgets. The form was Kyle Bump/Donkey GOD EMPEROR in an entirely new form. Apparently, while traversing the vast cosmos as a donkey spirit, the Ghost Donkey GOD EMPEROR found the meaning of life while peeping on alien mating rituals and returned to Earth as a man-deity, or, the GOD EMPEROR of LOONS. Present Today, the GOD EMPEROR of LOONS resides as the head of the K-BUMP KLAN under the pseudonym "Kyle Bump" (his original human form), where he rants and raves about political events and morals. There is currently a 24-hour phone service to talk to the GOD EMPEROR of LOONS. GODEMPOONchat is currently in most phonebooks at the number 555-545-GODEMPEROROFLOONS. They've had one customer. Sources The GOD EMPEROR of LOONS by Adam A History of Irrelevant Political Nuts (Both Kinds) ''by Daniel ''Rickroll: The Kyle Bump Story by Rick Astley ''Never Gonna Give You Up: A Musical Journey Through the World of Prostitution ''by Rick Astley and Kyle Bump (GOD EMPEROR OF LOONS)